It Breaks My Heart

I am here again....I think it became my habit now to post when I am troubled inside. I think a lot these days....to the point that it gave me a headache.

My family back home, I felt so sorry for them. I wanted to help them in every way I could...I wanted to give them what they need, to provide them everything and make their life a lil bit easier....but I don't have the ability to do so. Even if I wanted to but I can't. I can't because I don't have anything....if only I have a lil bit of extra money in me right now..I will never hesitate to help them. I will help them right away without a doubt...but what can I do? I, myself needs it very badly too....I have responsibilities that needed to be taken care of. You know what? everytime, they asked for help and I can't help them right away, it breaks my heart into pieces. It troubled me, I have no peace of mind....because what I wanted to do is to give to them everything they need.

My heart is aching.....I felt so sad....I felt hopeless..I am frustrated for everything that happens right now. When will I be able to do everything for them? When will I be able to give them everything that they need? When will I be able to make their life a lil bit easier? I don't wish to be rich, I just wish I have extra money right now so, I could help them. I'm not asking for too much, am I?

I hope that tomorrow when I wake up, everything will be okay...if not tomorrow then maybe next day? or next next next day?....Just hope that one day, I will wake up and my family back home are doing great......that's all I want...that's my happiness.

Random Thoughts

How are you guys? I dunno if I still have a visitor of this blog of mine. I know it's been a while since my last post here. I was just being lazy the past months that's why I did not able to update. My life isn't boring though, I have lots of things to do for the past months..there are things that keep me busy and entertain me....aside from work, my friends keep visiting me at my house and we played cards. During my vacant time, I read fan fictions, watching videos at youtube, visiting forums that talks about idols in S. Korea...yeah, I'm still addicted to Kpop world and don't ask me why, I don't have a valid reason for that, lol.

Things are still the same, nothing much going on with my life. Sometimes there are uneventful days that passed and sometimes I am too busy to notice that a day has passed because of things that occupied my mind.

Okay, I just want to blab about everything here just to update this blog. I dunno though, I'm thinking of letting go of this blog...my domain subscription will expire on June and am still debating in my mind wether I'm going to renew my domain or not. I will probably miss this blog if ever I will decide to end my subscription...I have shared too many thoughts on this blog already. Well, let see if I will renew or not my domain on June. I don't have money in paypal anymore so maybe I will get the payment for the renewal from my own pocket...

Well, that's it for now. Have to get busy here....

Farewell 2009, Hello 2010!

Ten years ago (2000), I thought that the world was about to end. Year 1992 and I was in second grade when I heard the rumors that the world is going to end in the year 2000. I cried going home from School for one reason, I don't want to die early because I want to get married first and have kids before I die. My Mother told me that no one can tell when the world is going to crash. Of course I was happy afterwards knowing that I will be able to grow up, get married and have kids. That was my only dream at that time. As I grown older, I became more ambitious and realized what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted to become and whom I wanted to marry. I never thought that growing up is difficult. You've learned to take responsibilities, to know the consequences of your actions and decisions. You've learn to make a mistake and be sorry afterwards, also you will learn to solve your own problems. When I look back to the year 1992, it seems that those days were the simplest days in my life. You have no responsibilities at all, no worries, no problems and no pains.

When I lose my Mother one and a half year ago, that's when I realized how I wanted to go back my childhood days. My childhood days was priceless, I have a mother who took care of me, preparing my meal, waking me up in the morning, scold me when I made a mistake, massage my back when I can't sleep from coughing, making me feel that I am being loved by her. I miss those days. If only I could turn back time, I will surely want to feel those moments again. But now all I can do is to cherish of those old memories here in my heart. Year 1992, 2000 to 2009....lots of events that happened in my life. I got married and take some responsibilities, I lose my mother and my brother. I felt pain, I was lost for awhile and now I'm back...trying to move on, look forward for the year ahead of me. I'm trying to pick up the pieces and put them together so I will be whole again.

As I bid farewell for the year 2009, I'm trying to say goodbye to my frustrations and pains. I hope, year 2010 will be a better year for me. Still, going for the extra mile on 2010.

Happy New Year to all!

Good To Be Back

It's been a while......

For the past few weeks that I was gone (from blogging), got lots of stories to tell. What keeps me busy, what happened to my life lately, why I didn't get a chance to update this blog and little things that I could share...not really interesting things but still, I'm gonna share it here. lol

Let me start with my job....okay, I got a new job (don't want to elaborate further 'bout my job). I mean I quit from my last job and transfered to this company close to my house. It is much easier for me plus they paid me a little bit more of what I earned before. It was a hard decision for me when I told my boss that I'm quiting. See, my ex-boss is very kind and considerate to me. When I have to go back to Philippines for a month, he gave me an assurance that when I came back, I still have a job. As I said, it was a difficult decision for me but I have to move on, he can't give me a raise (due to economic crisis) and he has to let me go. I remember him saying that " I deserve better" ( I think he was talking about the paycheck?). Also, he told me that if things won't go well on my new job, that I can come back to him and he will be glad to take me back ( that just flatters me).

I got a car...not a brand new car but am still proud that I got a car and am paying the monthly mortgage. I'm learning how to drive now and I planned to take my road test maybe by the end of this month or first week of November. Everything goes smoothly during my driving practice but there are really times that my husband and I are yelling with each other especially if he becomes so b*tchy about my driving. There's just times that I can't stand of his strictness when it comes to my driving. Okay, I understand that he wants me to remember everything he said but he get into my nerves sometimes, you know?

And the little things I want to share? hmnnnnnnnn....I think if you happened to read my previous posts, I have mentioned countless times how I love kdrama, but now I move up to the next level, I now love Korean music aka Kpop. Geezzzzz, have no idea why I got so hooked up with kpop when everytime I listened to the song I can't even understand the damn lyrics and can't sing along with the song since it's hard to pronounce their damn language but still I love kpop and am soooooo into for a certain boygroup/girlgroup in kpop world. Okay, let me spill it out for you guys...I love 2ne1 (pronounce as 21) and Bigbang. They are the first two groups I like to support in kpop industry. It's really entertaining to watch their vids/Mv's and to listen their music as well.

Check them out:

Bigbang

2NE1

If you are interested to kpop, just like me...you can check out their MVs/vids @ utube.

Okay...this is it for now. Lazy sleepyhead is signing off!

When Over Is Over!

I don't think I'm a bad person at all. Maybe there were times, I made mistakes and hurt people accidentally but that does not make me a bad person, right?

I have something to confess.

For few months, I was bothered by how I acted and treated the people I know...especially the people who are close to me. See, I have a friend whom I stopped talking to because I was mad at this person. Let us say, I hate this person but my Father in law keep reminding me not to use the word hate to refer to a person coz we should not hate a certain person. We can say we dislike them but not hate them. Okay, I dislike this person because, this person lied to me too many times. Sometimes, I thought, did this person even care how I think of him/her after I caught him/her that he/she lied? Did this person has an idea how I dislike him/her for telling lies then in the end I found out that what he/she was telling to me was all lie? I even hated myself for believing of what he/she said to me, everytime I found out that he/she was lying. For how many stories he/she made...for all the lies he/she told...I came to the point when I don't want to talk to him/her anymore. And that was it...I told myself this friendship is over coz I cannot trust this person. There's no sense of having a friend when you cannot even trust them. I stopped talking to this friend of mine coz I was fed up of everything he/she said. I dunno when to believe him/her anymore.

How can a person lie so easily? How can they make up stories and not even bothered the consequences after they were caught lying? I'm not a perfect person and am not tryin' to be. I did not say, I did not even lied once. I lied too...but I believe that there are certain levels of lying. This person I'm talking about is just a total LIAR.

Outdoors Equipments

I have mentioned too many times before how my husband and I love outdoors. We’ve been fishing, camping and boat riding during summer. In fact, last June my husband and I were in a furlough so we decided to visit my in-laws in Kentucky. It was fun for me and for my husband. Dad got a pontoon boat and Uncle Mark traveled from Indiana to Kentucky just to go fishing with us.

One time, they talked about going deer hunting this coming winter 2009 and I really want to go with them. I never have the chance to go deer hunting yet, I think it would be fun and exciting. The bad thing is, I don’t have an outdoor gear for deer hunting. Winter will be too cold for me and I guess I need very heavy clothing and winter accessories to keep me warm.

As early as now, I’ve tried looking for the gear that I need for deer hunting online and luckily I found this great zappos website and The North Face brand for outdoor gear. They sell quality and quantity products for outdoor gears, from men to women to kid’s clothing and accessories. They also have comprehensive collection of high-performance outerwear, skiwear, sleeping bags, packs and tents.

The North Face is a small mountaineering retail store in the heart of San Francisco's North Beach founded in 1966 by the two hiking enthusiasts. Later, it was known as The North Face and became a retailer of high-performance climbing and backpacking equipment. So, if you love the outdoors and have the desire to test the limits, The North Face equipment will help you on your adventure. Visit them now.

Lakers VS Nuggets

Have you guys seen the NBA play off last night of LA Lakers and Denver Nuggets? Okay, I'm not a basketball expert here but I do enjoy watching basketball. Basketball is one of my favorite sports. Last night, I got the chance to watched it on the television. My husband was not stingy enough to share his television with me last night. It's not that we only have one TV but isn't it nicer and more fun to watch games on a big TV? The one TV we have in our bedroom is a little bit smaller and it is not fun at all to watch alone especially if you are watching the team that you are betting on.

Last night, I was betting for Lakers to win and my husband wants Nuggets to win. I was cheering for Lakers and he was cheering for Nuggets. The game was interesting on the first half...I did not able to finish the 2nd half though because I have some opps to do last night. I found out when I woke up this afternoon that Nuggets won because my husband was smiling, telling me that his team won.

Ohh well, Kobe Bryant lose this time, tsk...tsk..tsk.