A Mother's Battle

It's been 8 months now that she is gone. I miss her so bad. I want to see her so badly. I'm wondering if how she's doing now. Is she happy right now? Did she get reunited with her parents and her two sons up there in Heaven?

For months, I can't talk about her coz everytime I started talking and mentioning her name I will start crying. I never knew that it will be this painful. I was lost for a while but I'm a lil' bit okay now and I'm ready to tell the whole story.

October 2006, was the last time I saw my mother personally. That was in Mactan Airport. My parents, siblings and friends were there to sent me off. That was my first time to came here in the USA. My mother was very healthy the last time I saw her and I never thought that I will not be able to see her, talk to her and hug her again.

May 2008, she was complaining that her right abdominal side was aching. We sent her to Cebu City to get a full body check-up. The doctor says, she was just having a stones in her kidney which was not alarming to us coz even before we knew that she had kidney problem. After a month, she started losing weight. My brothers and sisters got worried of her so they called and told me that they are going to sent Mama to the City again for another check-ups. This time, the doctor suggested to have CT scan, so she did. Waiting period.......

Late of June 2008, I talked to them in yahoo messenger. We have our webcam & speakers on. I saw my Mama and she really did lose a lot of weight. I can tell the difference just by looking at her face in the webcam. I was really happy seeing her and we have a good laugh while talking and then after a few minutes she decided to take a rest. I was talking to my sister about the CT scan result and here's the bad news, Mama has a liver cancer and got 5-6 months to live. I was SHOCKED!!! next thing I know, I was in the floor screaming. I dunno what to say at that moment..I can't believe it. Mama is healthy, she has no cancer, she's not dying....

I was in denial for a few days. I still can't believe that any time, she'll be gone. We asked for a second opinion from the other doctor but still the result was the same. She was dying and we can't do anything about it. She can't undergo chemotherapy coz her cancer was in terminal stage. So, what we can do? We'll just wait for her to say goodbye? The only thing we can do to save her at that time was PRAYER. We were hoping for a miracle but I think even prayers can't save her. Do you know the feeling that someone who is so dear to your heart is dying? The anxious feeling that maybe the next day when you woke up, she can't open her eyes anymore? It is a terrible feeling. I was too anxious to open my email address or to read my text messages from them coz what if it will be the bad news? I wasn't ready for her to go. Every night, I cried and cried, prayed and prayed that a miracle would happen.

September 03, 08 - was the last time I talked to Mama in the phone. I called them coz I got a text message from my sister that says Mama was too weak and if possible I should go home asap. But the time I talked to my mother, she was too happy and energetic, saying not to worry about her coz she felt better day after day. I told her I will go home on October 10, 2008 and she was too happy to hear it. She also told me that we could have our family reunion on that day.

September 07, 08 (SUNDAY, USA Time) - I finally have my ticket purchased for October 10, 08 flight. I was planning to call them the next day to surprise them. I was too excited...finally I can go back home, see my family again and might be my last moments with my mother. I may not ready to see her go but I know it will happen eventually.

September 08, 08 (MONDAY, USA Time) - Around 3PM that day, when I got home after my work, I got an offline message from my sister in YM. First message was, (Mama won't eat anymore and wanted to be hospitalized..please call when you got time). Second message, (Mama is gone. We can't do anything about it. Please be strong..we're waiting for your call.)

Mama died on Mama Mary's Birthday, Sept. 08.

After I read those messages, I dunno what to do really. I just got up from my chair and went directly to the kitchen to get a glass of water to drink. After that, I called my husband and asked him to come home, that when I started crying and David asked me what's wrong...the only thing I replied to him was...MAMA.... please come home.

That's it! The doctor says my mother got 5-6 months to live but just two months after we found out that she has cancer, she lose the battle. She left...she's gone...FOREVER!!!!

I blamed God, I resented Him. I questioned Him. Where did my prayers go? Does miracle really exist? Why can't you save my mother? Did you really hear me? Can you hear me? I know I have no right to questioned him but at that time I was in pain. That time, all I think was My beloved Mama is gone and she can't talk to me anymore when I get home. She can't cry anymore when she see me instead, I was the one crying when I saw her in the coffin. And you know the saddest and heartbreaking part of all? That was the time when we were about to sent her off, knowing that, that was our last glanced of her and she's not coming back.....she's gone...FOREVER!

I JUST WANT TO TELL HER I LOVE HER AND HER MEMORIES WILL LIVE ON FOREVER IN MY HEART.




P.S. I am so sorry if I keep on posting sad stories in my blog. This blog is my only outlet to express my feeling. Hope you guys can understand.

A Mother's Love

This is a short inspirational story I got from the website A Mother's Love. It's a nice story and it touched me, hope it will touch you heart as well.

A MOTHERS LOVE

A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:

For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: $.50
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00
Total owed: $14.75

Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:

For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me:
No Charge

For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you:
No Charge

For all the trying times, and all the tears that you've caused through the years:
No Charge

For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead:
No Charge

For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose:
No Charge

Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is:
No Charge.

When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you." And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL".

Note: Show your Mother how much you loved her while she's still around. Tell her that you love her and make her feel how special she is to you.

To my Mama: I love you and I miss you so much. I'll ask God for a miracle. Keep fighting Mama.

For my Mama!

"A mother is a person who seeing
there are only four pieces of pie
for five people, promptly announces
she never did care for pie." - motherhood quotes



The picture above is my Mama. The woman who has given me a chance to see how beautiful is the world.

Words are not enough to describe how wonderful is my mother. I am very very much thankful to her for her unconditional love and care. She tried her best to sent me and siblings to school. She tried different things just to earned money, she cooked different kinds of dessert and sell it to the neighborhood so that we can have some money as allowance when we went to school. I've seen all of her sacrifices just for her kids. For me, SHE is the world's greatest MOTHER!



Mama, I love you!
Mama, I miss you!

Mama, I've seen so many times how you hold backed your tears when trials came our way. You acted bravely, every time our family has a problem. You may not shed tears in front of your kids but I know and my brothers and sisters knew that deep inside of your heart, you are crying...

Thank you Mama, for the everything you've done for us. Thank you for being such a wonderful mother to us. You taught us so many lessons in life. My siblings and I grown up this way because of you Mama....

And before I ended this post. I wanted you to watch this video below, it is a song titled "A song for Mama" by boyz II men. It is a nice song, I promised!




Mothers are an ongoing gift to the world from God, and this has included my own Mother. May God Bless the Mothers of this world!

Happy Mother's Day!