God Loves You

Does He really love me? That was my question a few months ago.

Few months back, I have never been to church, coz I felt bad and ashamed to face God after what I've done and said. Recently, I go back to His arms coz I know that I cannot make it through this life without Him and His guidance.

Those days that I've never visited God's house and just call him every once in a while, He reminded me, how good He was to me and how much He loves me. Everytime my husband and I went out for grocery shopping, we always passed a christian church and they have a sign board that says: God Loves You. And everytime I saw the said sign board, I felt guilty inside...

God loves me. I know how much He loves me. I know he loves me when He gave me a very good and loving mother who taught and guide me the right path. He gave me a very understanding and supportive husband. I have my beloved family that loves me as much as I love them. I have true friends that never leave my side when I needed them. Above all that, God heals my broken heart. He's always there to comfort me when I'm in pain. All I can say to Him is, THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Quotes to share:

"God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea, and rides upon the storm."
- William Cowper

Camper Parts

Around mid of June up to mid of July, my husband’s company will be having a one month shutdown. So, for one month my husband and I are not going to work, it means no money as well. He’s going to draw unemployment and I don’t know if I can draw unemployment by that time. Since we are having a month shutdown, we decided to visit Mom and Dad for a week in Kentucky. My husband planned to go camping when we are there. We might go to LBL (Land Between the Lakes) to camp.

Speaking of camping, I really wanted to have a camper/RV. My friend Mila got one and they really enjoy having their RV. I wish I could afford to get one someday. Summer is coming, it is camping time again, so if you are having problem with your RV and need Camper Parts to have it fix, don’t forget to visit campingworld.com. They have everything you need for your camper/RV, from accessories & equipments or just anything that you think you will be needed when you go camping. For people, who wanted to buy a brand new RV, you can also check out their website.

A Mother's Battle

It's been 8 months now that she is gone. I miss her so bad. I want to see her so badly. I'm wondering if how she's doing now. Is she happy right now? Did she get reunited with her parents and her two sons up there in Heaven?

For months, I can't talk about her coz everytime I started talking and mentioning her name I will start crying. I never knew that it will be this painful. I was lost for a while but I'm a lil' bit okay now and I'm ready to tell the whole story.

October 2006, was the last time I saw my mother personally. That was in Mactan Airport. My parents, siblings and friends were there to sent me off. That was my first time to came here in the USA. My mother was very healthy the last time I saw her and I never thought that I will not be able to see her, talk to her and hug her again.

May 2008, she was complaining that her right abdominal side was aching. We sent her to Cebu City to get a full body check-up. The doctor says, she was just having a stones in her kidney which was not alarming to us coz even before we knew that she had kidney problem. After a month, she started losing weight. My brothers and sisters got worried of her so they called and told me that they are going to sent Mama to the City again for another check-ups. This time, the doctor suggested to have CT scan, so she did. Waiting period.......

Late of June 2008, I talked to them in yahoo messenger. We have our webcam & speakers on. I saw my Mama and she really did lose a lot of weight. I can tell the difference just by looking at her face in the webcam. I was really happy seeing her and we have a good laugh while talking and then after a few minutes she decided to take a rest. I was talking to my sister about the CT scan result and here's the bad news, Mama has a liver cancer and got 5-6 months to live. I was SHOCKED!!! next thing I know, I was in the floor screaming. I dunno what to say at that moment..I can't believe it. Mama is healthy, she has no cancer, she's not dying....

I was in denial for a few days. I still can't believe that any time, she'll be gone. We asked for a second opinion from the other doctor but still the result was the same. She was dying and we can't do anything about it. She can't undergo chemotherapy coz her cancer was in terminal stage. So, what we can do? We'll just wait for her to say goodbye? The only thing we can do to save her at that time was PRAYER. We were hoping for a miracle but I think even prayers can't save her. Do you know the feeling that someone who is so dear to your heart is dying? The anxious feeling that maybe the next day when you woke up, she can't open her eyes anymore? It is a terrible feeling. I was too anxious to open my email address or to read my text messages from them coz what if it will be the bad news? I wasn't ready for her to go. Every night, I cried and cried, prayed and prayed that a miracle would happen.

September 03, 08 - was the last time I talked to Mama in the phone. I called them coz I got a text message from my sister that says Mama was too weak and if possible I should go home asap. But the time I talked to my mother, she was too happy and energetic, saying not to worry about her coz she felt better day after day. I told her I will go home on October 10, 2008 and she was too happy to hear it. She also told me that we could have our family reunion on that day.

September 07, 08 (SUNDAY, USA Time) - I finally have my ticket purchased for October 10, 08 flight. I was planning to call them the next day to surprise them. I was too excited...finally I can go back home, see my family again and might be my last moments with my mother. I may not ready to see her go but I know it will happen eventually.

September 08, 08 (MONDAY, USA Time) - Around 3PM that day, when I got home after my work, I got an offline message from my sister in YM. First message was, (Mama won't eat anymore and wanted to be hospitalized..please call when you got time). Second message, (Mama is gone. We can't do anything about it. Please be strong..we're waiting for your call.)

Mama died on Mama Mary's Birthday, Sept. 08.

After I read those messages, I dunno what to do really. I just got up from my chair and went directly to the kitchen to get a glass of water to drink. After that, I called my husband and asked him to come home, that when I started crying and David asked me what's wrong...the only thing I replied to him was...MAMA.... please come home.

That's it! The doctor says my mother got 5-6 months to live but just two months after we found out that she has cancer, she lose the battle. She left...she's gone...FOREVER!!!!

I blamed God, I resented Him. I questioned Him. Where did my prayers go? Does miracle really exist? Why can't you save my mother? Did you really hear me? Can you hear me? I know I have no right to questioned him but at that time I was in pain. That time, all I think was My beloved Mama is gone and she can't talk to me anymore when I get home. She can't cry anymore when she see me instead, I was the one crying when I saw her in the coffin. And you know the saddest and heartbreaking part of all? That was the time when we were about to sent her off, knowing that, that was our last glanced of her and she's not coming back.....she's gone...FOREVER!

I JUST WANT TO TELL HER I LOVE HER AND HER MEMORIES WILL LIVE ON FOREVER IN MY HEART.




P.S. I am so sorry if I keep on posting sad stories in my blog. This blog is my only outlet to express my feeling. Hope you guys can understand.

Best Web Hosts 2009

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As a customer, I wanted to be careful on choosing my web hosting provider. Of course, I was looking for a provider that I can trust with highest customer service, secure and reliable provider, and also with solid and honest business background, in that way, I can truly trust them. Web hosting rating is the biggest searchable web hosting directory featuring complete information on all web hosting providers, their web hosting plans, promotional and discount coupons, and unedited reviews by real customers. They got the top best web host for this year in an affordable price. Bluehost Inc is one of their best and you can get it in a cheap price.

Staying Alive

Live, laugh, love - that's how life should be.

Let me share with you a line from one of the Korean drama that I watched. Since the time I got addicted to Korean dramas, this is my first time to hear such line that I can relate to. As I have mentioned many times on my previous posts that I lose my mother and my brother not too long ago.

This line was delivered by the lead actor Hyun Bin in the drama Snow Queen. He said this line when the lead actress was about to end her life because she was too tired of living from depression, sadness and she was tired of being lonely.

" I won't ask you what was wrong or why you had to do this,
but I'm asking you to live. Even if dying is better than living,
still, live. Staying alive is better. Live and regret, live and suffer."

I came to the point in my life when I think that dying was better than living, but I still live, because I know that staying alive is better than dying without fighting. In life, there will be sadness, frustrations, problems, pains, heartaches, loneliness, regrets, sufferings, tears and laughter and most of all there will be happiness. Life goes on and just remember that there will always be a sunshine after the rain.

Life Must Go On...

For the pain that I've been through, for all the problems and trials that I've encountered, I can say that I am stronger now than before. It is really true that tough times will make us stronger. Now, that my brother's gone, I felt the big responsibilities on my shoulder.s I felt that little by little I matured.

I questioned/blamed God for what happened but now that I'm calmed and accepted what God wants for my family, I want to get closer to Him as close as I could. I have no one to run to now or no one to hold to, except Him. I know He has reasons for everything that happened to my family. If it's His will, I would gladly accept it coz I know he won't give me problems that I can't handle and I trusted Him coz I know He loves me so much.

Life must go on....I know for sure that Mama and Manoy (Big Brother) are happy in God's side now. I gotta be good so one day, when my time comes...I can see my love-ones again, up there in Heaven.

God Bless you all!

Hassle Free Shopping

I have mentioned on my previous post that I broke my husband’s digital camera. He was a little bit upset about it so I told him that I’m going to replace his camera. I’m going to buy the same brand of the camera that he has but not exactly as what he had before. His camera was a little bit expensive and I’m pretty sure I can’t afford it right now. I was looking for cheap Olympus camera online and started to compare prices.

I found the best way to shop online, you just have to visit shopwiki website and they will provide the products that you’re looking for. They have everything you need from accessories to jewelries, sunglasses, electronics and many more. As for accessories, they have accessories available both for men and women. Winter fashion accessories are also available at shopwiki such as scarves, gloves and winter socks. They also have fashionable sunglasses available for men and women. As for the people who love jewellery so much just like my friend Mila, there is tons of jewellery and watches available from different stores such as necklaces for men and women, wrist watches, pendants and even your birthstones.

I found the camera I like to buy at shopwiki and I will let my husband know about it so we can decide when to buy it.